November 2016: I Can't Breathe

A picture is worth a thousand words they say.  But I'm speechless. It's because I am shocked beyond words or sound at that. All I can do is write. And draw. And pray.

When I found out the result of Donald Trump becoming our 45th President of the United States, I was speechless. After doing the math countless times and finding ways to calculate how in the hell he was elected. I called one of my friends to talk to about this and tried to continue to wrap my head around this. But no matter how much thinking I did, it still didn't make sense to me.

I cried.

This is the first time in a while I cried about anything political. I've cried plenty of times about my future such as getting a job, graduating on time with my Master's degree. But this type of crying was a whole lot different.

My identities are on the line.

My friends' identities are on the line.

Many marginalized identities are on the line.

We already live in a society where the marginalized are overlooked and told that their problems aren't relevant or valid. We're even forced to sit with the fact that we're destroying ourselves and the ones in power.

The speechlessness continues.

I can't breathe.

I can't breathe at all.

I feel sick.

My anxiety is getting worse.

I feel helpless.

As much as I would love hope to be instilled into my heart, I can't process at all. I continue to cry. There are a lot of thoughts running through my head like "Where do we go from here?" and "How are we going to make it?" and even "Am I going to live another day?"

Here's a tweet I posted last night:

To all of my friends who are allies of PoC, LGBTQIA, people of Islamic faith, etc., we need you. We need you to not be bystanders. #SAGrad

— Elenna, MSED to be. (@ElennaMGeffrard) November 9, 2016

Please be supportive of your marginalized friends everyone, no matter who you voted for. A lot of us are hurting right now. We need for you to not only provide comfort, but also to fight with us. We need your help even more than ever.

But this is the start of a revolution everyone. I don't know what it will entail, but it will be something big.

Until then, continue to be involved in your communities. Promote intersectionalism and be fair to one another. And one more important thing:

Stop telling the marginalized to sit with the results and give our government a chance. We've already done that for centuries. We're sick, tired, and sick of being tired.

Stay safe out there everyone.

The Generalized Black Folk Narrative Needs to Stop

Like the title of this blog has suggested, please it really needs to cease and desist.

This topic has been on my mind for quite some time and I finally have the down time to write about it. I along with my Black siblings of life are sick and tired of the constant stereotypes, micro and macroaggressions, outright blurts of anger because of who we are, and most importantly: demonizing, fetishizing, undermining and generalizing Black women.

What do I mean by some of these things? Take a look at the recent video that BuzzFeed posted about 27 Questions that Black People have for other Black People.

Here's the link to the video in case that you didn't want to go through the Google search bar and look for it.

I'll give you time to watch the video...

Trigger warning for this portion: It's about some generalized statements that may be insensitive to others so please, viewer discretion is advised. 

Initially, I felt the same way, because some of these questions I've asked myself too. But then I realized (as usual, when things sink in finally) that it really felt more like "27 Questions that Some White People have for Black People, But We Decided to use Black People to Ask Some of These Questions Because a lot of us Perpetuate Them as Some Alternate Life Force When in Fact, we Have the Same Anatomy, Just a Different Skin Tone" and "27 Questions that Some White People have for Black People to Further Insinuate That Colorism is Real and we will Continue to Brand that Into the Future."

Forgive me for generalizing this, but that's exactly what it sounds like in my eyes.

Now as a Black person, I have experienced a lot of these questions such as the following (Note, some of these I will have to discuss later on in this blog, so sit tight!):

• Why is it a problem if I like anime?
• Why do we call each other the N-word, but get vehemently upset when a white person uses the N-word? 
• Why is my natural hair, the hair that grows out of my head, seen as a political statement? 
• Why do we think people with light skin look better than people with dark skin?
• Why do some Black people say that you're pretty for a dark-skinned girl?
• Why do some Black men only date white women?
• Why is it okay for Black men to date white women, but not okay for a Black woman to date outside of her race?
• Why do we say that we don't want to be seen as a monolith but then try to take people's Black cards away for not liking something that's supposedly "Black"?
• Why don't we like to confront our mental health issues?
• Why is there a checklist for being Black?
• Why is being "educated" considered a white thing? Why can't I love school and also be Black?
• Why do I have to be mixed in order to have long hair?

Alright then, now that that's over with, I will move on to my point.

The point is, a lot of these questions are generalized statements about Black people in a nutshell. Black people come from a lot of intersections themselves! 

Take a look at me for example: I am a HUGE nerd: I love anime, cosplay, drawing, manga, video editing and the list goes on. But not only that, I come from a low socioeconomic status. I'm a first generation graduate student, thinking about pursuing a terminal degree later on. I am a woman, but I identify as agender. 

(claps) Don't. Generalized. Black. People. How many times do we have to constantly put that out there?

(claps vigorously) I. Am. Not. Here. As. Your. Token.

Going back to the questions I'll take some of them on.

Why is it a problem if I like anime?

There is no problem with that at this point in history. Nerd culture has a lot of people who like anime. HOWEVER that doesn't erase the fact that there is still racism in the community itself, including but not limited to black face in cosplay, cosplaying a character that you want to cosplay, but can't because you're too "dark" to qualify. Believe me, a lot of my confidence has been shot (and still does) because of colorism and forces darker skinned cosplayers into many confined boxes.

On the contrary, I have seen many Black people cosplay as different characters that are on the lighter ends of the complexion spectrum and they STILL slay every time!! My goal this year is to not give any hoots about complexion and cosplay who the heck I want to because I love the character and will always no matter what forces me to be put in a box.

Why is my natural hair, the hair that grows out of my head, seen as a political statement?

The only answer I have to that is because we are dismantling the constant Eurocentric standards that have been imposed on us for centuries. That's a given. It is a political statement in my eyes, but it is also a personal statement. To all of my siblings of life who do perm their hair, that's fine with you as long as you are taking care of your hair -- the same goes to my people who are natural or going to be transitioning to being natural. Just be you.Though the hair that grows out of my head, as kinky and wool-like it is, is part of me and my biological make up. I will always rock my 4c hair proudly despite adversity telling me to do so. Telling me to loosen my curls to make them more manageable or to perm my hair again.

It is unfair that we as Black people have to be held to a standard as what "good, professional, neat" hair looks and we are punished for being ourselves -- yet another reason why I see it as a political statement. I am happy to be nappy and I know that a lot of my Black siblings of life that are natural agree.

Why do some Black men only date white women? Why is it okay for Black men to date white women, but not okay for a Black woman to date outside of her race?

I've seen this a lot in my life. My eldest brother himself is an example of an interracial relationship with a white woman. One of my best friends from high school is also in an interracial relationship with a white man. To this day, I still don't understand why Black men in an interracial relationship is put to a higher pedestal and positively reinforced while Black women who do the same are punished. To me, love is love. Just because my friend is dating outside of her race, it doesn't mean that she hates Black men. What matters to her isn't what's on the outside -- what matters is the character of her partner and to this day they are still together!

Like my American People professor said to me in undergrad: Black women are the people who are the most discriminated against no matter what. Whether it would be in furthering education, relationships, and other personal achievements, Black women are demonized, threatened, undermined. All that we are trying to do is find someone that makes us happy in life, whether it be friends or a partner. So why is that we have to constantly criticize someone for liking someone else?

However, if it were the case for preference in a way that does in fact demonize or undermine a person, that's a problem that you yourself have to solve. That's not cool. Not dating a Black woman because of the stereotype "all Black women are ghetto" or because of mannerism that are prejudicial are absolutely terrible and should not be a legitimate reason. The same goes for other races and ethnicities. It is an unfair judgment on someone and what if they don't fit that stereotype? You're losing out on a great person and you wouldn't even know that because you're too busy being wrapped around by stereotypes and prejudices.

Why do we say that we don't want to be seen as a monolith but then try to take people's Black cards away for not liking something that's supposedly "Black"? Why is there a checklist for being Black?

In order to fully understand this question, I had to define monolith. Monolith has three definitions under it on dictionary.com. The third one is the most relevant to the above question:

3.

something having a uniform, massive, redoubtable, or inflexible qualityor character.

This question hit me so hard in my experience because I have experienced this a lot in my life. Being told by my Black, white and other racial-ethnic counterparts that I was not Black enough and gotten many "Black Cards" or "Black Points" taken away from me.

Just because I or any other Black folks do not like anything that is not stereotypically utilized, done, sang, etc. in the Black community DOES NOT and I mean  DOES NOT make me less Black. It took me forever to really understand what it means to be Black outside of the stereotypes that were instilled in my people. Thanks to social media like Tumblr, Instagram and Twitter, I have grown to love who I am as a Black person. There are communities out there that do uplifting, when a lot of what happens in real life is the opposite.

Black people come in different ways of lifestyle and in different intersections. It's not bad to like rock or sing in different languages or even dress up like a Lolita. You are enough as yourselves. Race is part of you, but it doesn't define you.

Remember folks, you are who you are. Don't let stereotypes determine your Blackness. Matter of fact, don't let them grade you on who you are. 

I hope that you have enjoyed this read. Thank you very much for taking your time to reading this blog post.

-Elenna

NASPA 2016: Indianapolis, IN

Hello everyone,

Elenna here again! Conference time is just around the corner and I am excited as ever! This year, NASPA will take place in Indianapolis, IN and there are a chock full of things that I am excited for.

NUFP Buddy

As an alumnus of the M/NUFP program, I get a chance to mentor a current NUFP fellow, just like I have when I went in 2014 in Baltimore, MD. I learned a lot from the experience and I will gladly like to share my experiences with my NUFP buddy.Some of the things that I will do with them are as follows:

• A small gift exchange. We will be exchanging gifts from out respective institutions
• Resume review. I think that this is an important aspect into getting into any program or getting a graduate assistantship. I want to share a few tips and tricks that I have learned and also will print out my own resume from when I first went to NASPA and compare.
• Talk about my experience. As someone who neither has a graduate assistantship nor a job, it is important to let them know that this is a realistic thing that can happen. I will also tell them about what sparked me to get into student affairs and encourage them to continue to press on even if things look difficult. I also want to know more about them and their interests.
• Attend one or two sessions with each other. I think that it's important to learn about the different competencies that are involved in professional development as well as personal development in student affairs. By attending different sessions, we would get to learn about how other institutions approach different problems and maybe take things back with us to our own schools.
• Lunch. This is pivotal because this will give us time to decompress and reflect on the couple of days that we will be there. 

Graduate Mentee

I also signed up to be a mentee as a graduate student. Knowing that I have a lot to give to this field, but not knowing how to express my experience, I think that this is a great opportunity for me to get more help as well as gain insight.

First Time Attendee Mentor

It looks like my schedule is really packed this year. I will be mentoring a first time attendee, who is a professional. I hope to share my experience with them and encourage then to attend their own regional conferences as well!

Graduate Fair

For those of you who do not know I am going to be representing Hofstra University at NASPA's graduate fair. I will be speaking on my experience as a grad student as well as what my  program has to offer.

I will be vlogging some of the things I do at the conference and probably will ask some peopleI know to be in it.

See you all in Indy!

Starting to Dabble in Art Again

It's been a while since I've actually been motivated to draw or do anything else creative. With my interest in becoming a Student Affairs Professional for art schools, I want to do my best to cater to the art students by being true to myself. So I have decided to go back into getting into my art projects. I have some drawings that I've done over the past few months in my sketchbook. Here's one of them:

This is a picture of Kat Blaque, a YouTuber I admire a lot because she speaks the truth as a trans woman of color and size. I really love how much that she has influenced me to keep on drawing and never give up. She has also inspired me to stay "woke" (aware of social justice issues in the world today) in a "sleep" (ignorant or refusal to see any social justice issues in the world today) society.

I only own the Neutral Gray Copic Markers so far, but I intend on growing my collection as soon as I have enough money to buy them (they aren't cheap, about $6 to $7 per marker).

She has a great amount of influence in a lot of people's lives and even speaks at colleges now aside from her YouTube gig and Everyday Feminism posts. I was lucky to meet her last month and I am still grateful for meeting her.

I have also done a couple more pictures that I will share with you all in the next few weeks when I am done with school and I am not working for the season.

I will be creating a YouTube channel/series called "Student Affairs Animator" where I will be animating and vlogging current topics that I wish to talk about that goes on in the student affairs and higher education field. I have also created a Patreon for those who wish to become my Patrons. This will include both my Student Affairs Animator project and my fictional project, Serenity Chronicles, which I have been working on for the past eight years.

I hope to use this opportunity to improve on my art and to do what I love the most: being creative.

Thank you for reading!

#SAReflects: Planning the Future

One of the most memorable moments I've had as an #SAGrad so far is writing my personal and professional development plan for my future as an #SAPro. Here's the assignment as follows:

Students will develop and submit a personal/professional career development plan.  In this paper, discuss your professional goals including what type of positions you expect to have, how long do you hope to stay in each position, in what type of institution (size, location, type) do you hope to work?  What are your personal and professional development experiences you hope to gain to support your career development plan?  Avoid simply listing the information, discuss your rationale and motivation behind your responses.   Examine the Chronicle of Higher education or other sources for jobs in higher education that might interest you. Submit a copy of an ad for a job that is of interest to you along with a cover letter and current resume as if you were applying for that job.

I had a problem at first, because I was (and still am) torn between so many different paths such as Residential Life, Student Activities, Mental Health/Health Education and Career Counseling. I told my professor that I really wasn't sure as to what I wanted to do. All I knew was that I wanted to work at an AICAD serving institution or any other art school. I did however tell her I was interested in the Creative Arts Therapy Masters Degree because I did want to incorporate my love of art as well as my love of educating and assisting people.

Like the worrywart I am, I was worried about the assignment being too long or too much like a narrative. She gave me a smile and said that it's fine that it seems like a narrative, as long as it had to deal with my personal growth as a student affairs professional.

But what my professor made us understand through this assignment is that even though you're not sure about what you want to do outright in the future, it's still good to plan ahead. You'll never know what the future holds. Here's what my first paragraph looks like:

When asked about my personal and professional development, I get a bit overwhelmed. There are many opportunities in the realm of student affairs that I would indeed like to explore or delve deeper as both a graduate student and a new student affairs professional. Some of the areas that I would like to explore are New and Transfer Student Orientation, Admissions, Institutional Research and Public Relations and Health Counseling or Education. The areas that I would like to reexamine as well as delve deeper into are Student Activities/Student Engagement or Involvement, Career and Residence Life/Residential Programs. If I were to narrow down my choices to the top three to start in my Student Affairs Professional career, I would choose either Residential Life, Health Counseling/Education, or Student Activities/Student Engagement or Involvement. Through my experience at my undergraduate institution, SUNY College at Old Westbury, these three positions have impacted and shaped my own path to become a part of the Higher Education and Student Affairs realm. I know that eventually, I would like to become a Dean of Students.

 Although the future does seem forever away, it still doesn't hurt to plan ahead. If you don't get to do some of those plans that you had down before, it's the end goal that matters the most.

Ferguson, MO

After hearing that Darren Wilson, a Caucasian American at the age of 28 was not indicted, I was disappointed, but not surprised. Seeing that the United States of America in 2014 was still subject to racial injustice makes me feel uncomfortable. Watching St. Louis, MO being burned and looted makes my skin crawl as I sit by my computer looking up the public's reaction.

How do I feel about the whole decision? As an African American woman with an African American male significant other makes me even more skeptical of raising children in the United States. Especially with related cases like Trayvon Martin (Florida) and Eric Garner (New York). Just seeing that things like this could happen close to home makes me queasy. It is indeed sad that sooner or later African American people who are educated might be targeted next.

Seeing news reports from the former mayor of New York City, Rudy Giuliani makes me see that America should stop seeing other issues that, yes should be addressed, but are not exactly relevant to the topic at hand. Here is the video I am talking about here. In this video, Rudy Giuliani states that “White police officers wouldn't be there, if you weren't killing each other.”

It is true that there is a lot of black on black crime, but to bring up black on black crime when the issue at hand was about white on black crime is unnecessary. Hearing that line made me sick to the stomach. It makes me sick that people who are in power are glorifying as well as justifying not only white on black crime, but authority privilege. What do I mean by authority privilege? Anything form of abuse of power.

What can we do about fighting both racial privilege and authority privilege? We should come together as people, no matter what race, socioeconomic background and other demographic classifications and report these injustices. True, social media is indeed impactful, but having another one of our American children become a hashtag is extremely disappointing and morbid. Bringing ourselves to loot and commit arson also doesn't help the situation; it however (sadly) gives others reasons why people are classified the way that they are. We should go back to our roots like the Civil Rights Movement and protest these unjust actions by using civil disobedience instead of violent riots and protests. We should have our politicians and police commissions reflect and alter their program in lieu of cases such as Martin, Garner and Brown.

What can we do as educators? What we should always do: hold discussions about these issues. Further educate yourself as well as the students you work with about these issues. They are indeed our future and in order to help reduce incidents like these are to teach your students about the privileges that some have over others.

Until we do come together to fix this problem, my own generation of African American males and females will be subject to racism based off of what the media glorifies and what politicians use to add insult to injury. We will still face demise as America goes in a nosedive backwards in history.

My first week as an #SAGrad

Just like any kid, teenager or young adult would, they are nervous about the first day of school. Whether you are in a school or institution of higher education for a while, this is your first time entering your new school, or you are transferring in, the first day jitters always settle in.

Going into my first year of grad school was (and still is) scary to me because there are things that you don't expect or you do expect them, but the outcomes aren't what you thought they would be.

I was used to living on campus in my undergrad that I was reliant on public transportation only on weekends when I went home (if I went home because of the many different leadership positions I held). But now the script flipped -- I am a commuter, living an hour (on a really good day and if I catch my trains and bus on time).

How does this relate to student affairs? Adaptation and time management. With student affairs constantly changing (from policies to how campus culture changes), we must work to those changes. In order to do that, we need to delegate time to developing the changes made. If the changes are bad, how would we work to change for the next time around?

Also with time management, we must fix our schedules to accommodate for the changes. What if something good or bad happens in the middle of a change? Will we have enough time left over to fix the changes, or will we have to sacrifice things in our extremely hectic schedules?

I had to learn on my own how to travel to get to school on time. I even had to find alternatives if I missed the shuttle bus from the station (e.g. public transportation or asking a friend for a ride).

Now that I am entering my 4th session, I am getting used to my (exhausting) route from home to school. I have apps that help me catch my trains and busses on time and I work hard to give input into class discussions.

Thank you for reading!